17.9K
Downloads
68
Episodes
Think of these mini podcasts like voice memos reaching out to you from a friend through the isolation. Except better, because they include tools for growing intimacy between yourself and those you care about. Note: podcasts come out Monday and each week there is an assignment for you to practice! Be sure to tune in, engage the practice and leave me a note about what you learned! Each assignment will build on the previous week‘s podcast. Dr. Jessica Tartaro (she/her) is a cis-gendered, able bodied, second generation Sicilian Jewish Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator who brings to her teaching nearly 20 years of experience in the healing arts. Through her one-of-a-kind workshops and coaching, Jessica powerfully weaves together the influences of Authentic Relating, positive psychology, psycho-education, trauma-sensitivity, mindful embodiment and conscious intimacy. Plus, she loves to play. Former Fulbright scholar, Jessica has founded communities across the country dedicated to healing the collective experience of belonging through group resilience, emotional intelligence and body wisdom. On the Olympic Peninsula of Washington where she lives and loves, Jessica is exploring the integration of racial justice with conscious relating and embodiment. To stay current on her evolving offerings and inquire about her private coaching and public speaking, go to www.DrJessicaTartaro.com.
Episodes
Monday Sep 13, 2021
Monday Sep 13, 2021
The default is to see others through a narrow lens of what separates us. In Episode 38, I challenge you to look for what connects you to others and take your power back to shape your perception of the people around you.
1:20 I serenade you.
2:32 When we are scared, our tendency is to find someone we can pin the pain on.
2:45 I define what it means to “other”.
3:45 Anais Nin quote
4:30 Perception is a practice.
5:21 The word “sonder” from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
6:26 Actively searching for points of commonality to find ourselves in the other
7:10 The inner work of humanizing
8:14 A first step towards shifting out of dehumanizing
8:58 We are wired to empathize.
9:05 This week’s homework: 2 parts.
Resources:
Love, Serve & Remember by John Astin . Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows which includes the definition of "sonder". The Anais Nin Foundation.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Sep 06, 2021
Monday Sep 06, 2021
Though it’s easy to blame our partners when we feel turned off, sometimes it’s ourselves that we have fallen out of love with, not them. Beginning by restoring our relationship to ourselves can salvage our love affairs.
1:10 How the pattern of compromise begins
2:15 Denying the self to avoid conflict
2:49 A very important truth – sit down for this one.
3:25 Their face has become the reminder of your separation from yourself
4:02 The story of Sarah
4:41 “I like myself when I’m with him”.
5:16 The seeds of this imbalance were planted long ago
7:16 How to shift out of the imbalance safely
7:41 Maya Angelou quote
7:51 Start by creating intentional space and then make an admission
8:56 Consider seeking out a therapist to design a new template for relating
9:11 This week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Lareised Leneseur on Unsplash
Monday Aug 30, 2021
Monday Aug 30, 2021
If eye gazing makes you squirm, you aren’t alone. But have you ever wondered why? In this episode, I describe the process by which eye gazing reveals the truth of our hearts.
1:07 A first eye gazing exercise
2:66 A peek into what I teach couples in intimacy coaching sessions
3:22 The instruction is to keep coming back
3:55 When we hold another’s gaze, it may be them we are seeing but it’s us we are feeling.
4:18 What do you do with your eyes when you are hurt?
5:03 Here’s the reason I became an intimacy coach.
5:41 I recently got triggered and I couldn’t look up.
6:42 The eyes are both a vulnerability and a superpower.
7:05 A second eye gazing exercise
8:00 Grounding is coming home to yourself.
9:14 This week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Monday Aug 23, 2021
Monday Aug 23, 2021
It’s easy for relationships to burn hot and to burn quickly out. But if you’re after lasting love, it’s the friendship that you will want to prioritize. In this episode, I explain why and how.
01:10 Many couples are struggling right now.
2:25 My high school dating experiences had nothing to do with friendship.
3:21 Having access to our desires but not being too attached to them
3:50 Cultivating friendship inside of romance calls for surrender and patience.
4:34 “Jess, I have found my person”, she exclaimed. I shuddered.
5:57 Blinded by what you wanted them to be, you missed tuning into who they actually are.
5:47 What distinguishes the friendship from the romance?
6:55 “I want nothing from you and everything for you”.
7:20 M. Scott Peck’s famous definition of love
8:37 The friendship is the water and the romance is the fire (Jewish teaching)
9:18 This week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Bruce Dixon on Unsplash
Monday Aug 16, 2021
Monday Aug 16, 2021
Without skill or care, an apology can re-inflame the argument and cost us greatly in time, energy and emotions. In this episode, I teach you the four steps to making a heartfelt and efficient apology.
1:18 Think about the last time you apologized
1:38 Apologies without care, skill and intention can backfire
2:20 I define efficiency in intimate communication
3:10 The story of how Rich and I got into an argument about watermelon this week
4:34 Authenticity is messy and loving cleanup is essential
4:54 The four considerations for making a short, sweet and true apology
6:41 Energy saving communication is short on words and dense with heart
8:25 Our apologies
9:47 This week’s homework
Resources: For a deep dive into the art of the apology, I highly recommend Why Won’t You Apologize: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Dr. Harriet Lerner. Also, this two-part interview with Dr. Lerner by Brene Brown is touching, funny and so instructive.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Monday Aug 09, 2021
Monday Aug 09, 2021
If we aren’t careful, we can treat kissing like a stop along the way to sex. But good kissing can be its own destination and invites us to arrive, over and again, through our lips. In this episode, I tell you how.
2:13 I always considered myself a good kisser – but I was wrong.
1:50 Kissing is not a technical sport
2:50 We were taught that sex was a mission to accomplish.
3:47 Exhaustion, resentment and sexual aversion can ensue.
4:18 I describe an alternative way to approach sex.
5:51 A brief test of your lips’ nerve endings
7:07 Kissing conjures yearning – how can we stay there?
7:44 Follow the evolution in your sex, don’t lead it.
8:02 The secret to the art of good kissing
8:43 How we can touch all of the other through our lips
8:51 This week’s homework (for people who have kissing partners and also those who don’t too).
Resources: The song Marrow by Ani DiFranco
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Mia Harvey on Unsplash
Monday Aug 02, 2021
Monday Aug 02, 2021
Most of us were taught to hang on in relationship no matter what. In this episode, I talk about how letting go and creating space can actually bring us closer to love especially in long term relationships.
1:14 Closeness without space creates imbalance.
1:26 Autonomy and unity – we need both.
1:56 It’s very common for couples to hang on.
2:40 My client didn’t have an example of individuality inside of long-term relationship
3:17 It’s easy to imagine that space means defeat when we don’t have examples.
4:05 Relationships have their cycles – life always follows death.
4:34 Letting die our idea of the relationship we wished we had.
5:22 What comes up for you when you imagine letting go of the familiar?
5:38 For years, I hung on. Letting go felt unbearable.
6:00 A personal story.
8:30 My willingness to stop clinging allowed me to choose better.
8:51 I am on the side of health.
9:05 This week’s homework.
Resources: Gay and Katie Hendricks and The Hendricks Institute https://hendricks.com/
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Максим Степаненко on Unsplash
Tuesday Jul 27, 2021
Tuesday Jul 27, 2021
Many of us learned that crying is a sign of weakness. In this episode, I suggest that to the contrary, crying is a sign that you are paying attention to life as long as you are safe enough to let go of control.
00:58 When was the last time you cried?
01:11 Crying is an involuntary act and tells us about our capacity to surrender.
2:12 Children cry with their bodies.
4:26 She hadn’t cried in our work together – and this was important information.
6:10 Crying isn’t just about feeling sad.
7:22 My tears were helping me welcome the array of feelings into my body.
8:45 Sometimes we need the extra heart space of another to help us find our tears.
8:52 This week’s homework (it’s okay to protect your tears).
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Monday Jul 19, 2021
Monday Jul 19, 2021
Everyone has the wild feminine in us – the part that feels most deeply. In a world that says “you’re too sensitive” as a way to keep us numb, it’s vital that we cultivate the relational skills to take exquisite care of the sensitive hearts that want to trust us.
00:51 Here’s what I mean by the feminine – the part that feels the most.
2:35 A story from my recent honeymoon about a couple fighting on the trail
3:55 Rich and I replayed the scene.
4:33 When trust is damaged, everything matters.
5:15 Turn the volume down on force and up on quality of attention.
5:49 The sweet spot for earning the trust of the wild feminine
6:45 A coaching example
8:32 Keep your finger right there.
8:53 It’s like winning the love lottery.
9:23 This week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Johannes Mändle on Unsplash
Monday Jul 05, 2021
Monday Jul 05, 2021
Fighting the feeling of time always running out takes discipline and is necessary to truly live. In this episode, I teach you about the “vertical” axis of time and how to make moments count.
1:48 Busy is not a feeling
2:07 A lack of presence will be reflected back to us in our relationships
2:48 What makes the difference between time that zips by and time that feels eternal?
3:09 The horizontal versus the vertical axis of time
4:18 Speed up to slow down
4:39 It’s quality of attention and sensory engagement that makes time deep
5:35 Busyness can leave gnawing loneliness in its wake
5:50 My friend’s experience with death is teaching me about life
6:54 Here’s what I did at last Friday’s dinner to shift my family’s relationship to time
8:45 Four options for this week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash