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Think of these mini podcasts like voice memos reaching out to you from a friend through the isolation. Except better, because they include tools for growing intimacy between yourself and those you care about. Note: podcasts come out Monday and each week there is an assignment for you to practice! Be sure to tune in, engage the practice and leave me a note about what you learned! Each assignment will build on the previous week‘s podcast. Dr. Jessica Tartaro (she/her) is a cis-gendered, able bodied, second generation Sicilian Jewish Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator who brings to her teaching nearly 20 years of experience in the healing arts. Through her one-of-a-kind workshops and coaching, Jessica powerfully weaves together the influences of Authentic Relating, positive psychology, psycho-education, trauma-sensitivity, mindful embodiment and conscious intimacy. Plus, she loves to play. Former Fulbright scholar, Jessica has founded communities across the country dedicated to healing the collective experience of belonging through group resilience, emotional intelligence and body wisdom. On the Olympic Peninsula of Washington where she lives and loves, Jessica is exploring the integration of racial justice with conscious relating and embodiment. To stay current on her evolving offerings and inquire about her private coaching and public speaking, go to www.DrJessicaTartaro.com.
Episodes
Sunday Jan 31, 2021
Sunday Jan 31, 2021
In episode 8, I talk about why boundaries are important, what makes them so darn hard and an example of “re-norming” boundaries in my connection to my friend, Renee.
0:40 Shifting boundaries from being bad into something we celebrate
2:00 We have to be a person to connect with other people.
2:15 Some examples of boundaries I set this week
3:20 Looking to childhood lessons around boundaries to understand why they are hard to set in adulthood
4:35 Most adult relationships are not "boundary friendly"
5:05 There’s nothing wrong with you if you struggle with setting boundaries.
6:05 Together we have to change the norms around boundaries.
6:35 Meet my friend Renee: A personal example of re-norming boundaries
7:50 “Thank you for taking care of yourself”.
8:50 Because she celebrates my “no”, my heart can let her in.
9:10 Two take-home practices to practice re-norming boundaries in your relationships
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Sunday Jan 24, 2021
Sunday Jan 24, 2021
In episode 7, I tell you about an exchange I had with my husband when I didn’t feel listened to and how I handled it. Making love stay is a practice. Here’s one way you can practice, too.
0:38 My husband didn’t get it right with me.
1:25 What would you have done?
2:09 Tom Robbins quote about love and making magic
3:35 Magic isn’t possible when you don’t feel safe.
4:15 As long as you feel safe, try speaking to the best parts of the other person.
5:10 I could have punished him, but…
6:20 Here’s what I did. And I got what I wanted.
7:50 You may have buttons that send you back in time, too.
8:15 Body-based, present moment practices are a “must” for healthy relating
8:55 The bad things that happened in the past don’t have to run on repeat
10:25 When we start with love, it will not only stay – it will grow.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Michael Fenton on Unsplash
Saturday Jan 16, 2021
Saturday Jan 16, 2021
In episode number 6, I introduce “inner parts work” and talk about saying “hi” to your critic. Try it out. You may just find that when you acknowledge your critic in a welcoming, friendly way, you create more room inside to let others in too.
1:40 The “outer” work of intimacy depends on the “inside work” of connection with ourselves
2:25 Introduction to working with parts
3:35 Health is the integration of all the parts
4:32 Can you hear your critic?
5:57 My critic is a tight-bun-wearing-academic who roars!
7:10 Live demo: I say hi to my inner critic (a first step)
9:17 If it’s not a fun party for me inside, I’m not going to invite you!
9:30 The voice of the inner critic will block you from loving me
9:52 Even a little softening makes room for others to get in
9:59 You can try this with kids too!
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Igor Miske
Monday Jan 11, 2021
Monday Jan 11, 2021
In episode 5, I talk about how in a life of authenticity, we will make messes. It’s inevitable! Being able to say, “I’m sorry” with the integrity of your body and actions behind it will make all the difference for continued and deepening connection.
1:25: In a life of authenticity, it's not a question of "will we" make waves. We will. It’s how we clean it up that matters.
3:20: Taking up space is part of being a healthy human. In a dynamic, full range life, we want to make an impact. It's a sign that we are connected.
4:55: Growing up, I heard “I’m sorry” without change. I learned not to trust those words.
6:45: “I'm sorry. And, I would like to know the impact my actions had on you. Would you tell me?”
7:55: When I can tolerate the discomfort, I can learn from my behavior. Feeling impact all the way through, changes.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Tim Mossholder via Unsplash
Sunday Jan 03, 2021
Sunday Jan 03, 2021
In Episode 4, I challenge you to make agreements with the people in your life to reveal more truth. It will change you, them and your ability to weather the storms of your lives together.
0:38 I serenade you!
1:25 “Can you and I make an agreement?"
3:00 Making agreements creates a “net” to catch us in the discomfort so we don’t have to run away
4:15 Last week I confronted my sister about a broken agreement
5:35 “Authenticity is efficient”
6:20 It’s never too late to come back into truth.
6:37 Starting with “I need to admit that…”
7:40 When you prioritize truth in relating, you don’t have to hide when the going gets tough
8:05 My challenge to you for the week - make your own agreements for truth
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor via Unsplash
Monday Dec 28, 2020
Monday Dec 28, 2020
In Episode 3, I connect truth telling in relationship with getting connected to the body, even the stinkiest parts of being in the body!
1:50: What makes saying what’s true so hard.
2:20: We were noticing what was true – but no one was naming it.
3:20: “Don’t name the thing.”
4:13: I don’t like mustard!
5:30: How do we reconcile what we are saying with what we are feeling? Begin with the body.
6:35: First practice this week: Notice the body without story.
7:32: I say the “f” word (it’s not what you think).
8:20: When we start with the body, we close the gap between what we feel and what’s okay to name.
9:53: Second practice this week: Notice that we all fart, including you!
11:30: I was using new recording software and couldn’t see the time tracker and under 10 ran 1 minute over!
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Claudio Schwarz via Unsplash
Sunday Dec 20, 2020
Sunday Dec 20, 2020
In Episode 2, I share a story from my childhood to demonstrate what it means to shed cool in lieu of taking care of ourselves and our hearts. Be sure to try this week's assignment!
1:25 Think about intimacy practices like exercise reps
1:45 The harder life gets, the more we need "connection muscle tone"
2:10. Discipline can be sexy!
3:10 A very embarrassing story from 1986
5:20 Dad wanted us to pause and interrupt “business as usual”
5:50 A new definition of cool
6:45 My husband squeezed my knee at this point
7:00 “Are you available to talk? I really need someone to listen”.
7:50 Your challenge for the week (with options)
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Claudio Schwarz via Unsplash
Tuesday Dec 08, 2020
Tuesday Dec 08, 2020
In this opening episode, I introduce the idea that everyone can cultivate the ability to connect in deep, satisfying ways. Think of intimacy like a curriculum. In "Under 10", I will share with you the tools for learning the curriculum of intimacy, step-by-step.
0:20: The birth of this podcast
2:45: I reveal my age
3:14: What was missing in my education (and yours too)
5:05: What if we practiced relating like learning scales on a piano
6:10: Think about this podcast like an intimacy class
6:45: Getting on purpose with our relating
8:00: Your assignment for this week
9:50: No need for shame if we treat intimacy like something we can all learn
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley