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Think of these mini podcasts like voice memos reaching out to you from a friend through the isolation. Except better, because they include tools for growing intimacy between yourself and those you care about. Note: podcasts come out Monday and each week there is an assignment for you to practice! Be sure to tune in, engage the practice and leave me a note about what you learned! Each assignment will build on the previous week‘s podcast. Dr. Jessica Tartaro (she/her) is a cis-gendered, able bodied, second generation Sicilian Jewish Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator who brings to her teaching nearly 20 years of experience in the healing arts. Through her one-of-a-kind workshops and coaching, Jessica powerfully weaves together the influences of Authentic Relating, positive psychology, psycho-education, trauma-sensitivity, mindful embodiment and conscious intimacy. Plus, she loves to play. Former Fulbright scholar, Jessica has founded communities across the country dedicated to healing the collective experience of belonging through group resilience, emotional intelligence and body wisdom. On the Olympic Peninsula of Washington where she lives and loves, Jessica is exploring the integration of racial justice with conscious relating and embodiment. To stay current on her evolving offerings and inquire about her private coaching and public speaking, go to www.DrJessicaTartaro.com.
Episodes
Monday Nov 29, 2021
Monday Nov 29, 2021
Pet names are sweet and fun. But if you use them too early in your relationship, you risk falling in love with an idea of a sweetheart rather than the actual person. Here’s how you can avoid that pitfall and help your relationship last.
1:30 Remember the beginning of your last relationship
1:46 The filter we see new lovers through
2:29 Milan Kundera quote about the risks of the first days of new love
3:22 The beginning of the relationship will determine what comes next
3:55 The risk of pet names
4:53 When my girlfriend called me “honey”, I cringed (here’s why)
5:50 Hilarious song parody about the lack of intimacy of pet names
7:06 It’s possible to recover from the distortion
7:50 It’s when you clutch onto the relationship that it slips through your fingers
8:25 Why I currently use pet names
8:42 This week’s homework
Resources: Milan Kundera: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milan_Kundera. Song “Don’t Ever Call Your Sweetheart By His Name” By Christine Lavin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U8EcJLUlkw
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by J E S U S R O C H A on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Tuesday Nov 23, 2021
Tuesday Nov 23, 2021
Instead of only sounding in your love making when you feel pleasure, in this episode I explain why you might moan in order to expand your pleasure and in so doing, become a source of your own enchantment.
1:08 I’ll be talking about sex in this episode
1:27 Redefining the term “making love”
2:05 The story that inspired this episode
4:23 Pleasure and sound are reciprocally causal
5:16 The barriers to making sound when making love
6:13 Let’s take a breath together
6:30 A “low stakes” starting point
7:17 Becoming a source of your own enchantment
7:54 Lev Grossman quote about magic
8:45 This week’s homework.
Resources: The band Parra for Cuva: https://parraforcuva.de/. And Lev Grossman, author of The Magicians trilogy and other books: http://levgrossman.com/
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Sunday Nov 14, 2021
Sunday Nov 14, 2021
It can be easy to rush through a quick squeeze without realizing that hugs can be a source of deep nourishment for our relationships. In this episode, I introduce you to the four principles for learning to give good hugs.
1:11 These two men said I give good hugs.
1:50 I admit, they were right.
2:23 The Four Principles of Hugging Well
2:30 Principle #1
2:58 I define “perma-consent”
3:39 How to ask for a hug consensually
3:54 Principle #2
4:15 Embodying yourself includes these things.
5:07 Principle #3
6:10 Unless you are "Amma the Hugging Saint", you have permission not to hug everyone.
6:58 Principle #4
8:06 When you follow all four steps, both people can co-regulate.
8:54 This week’s homework.
Podcast produced by Sal De Rosalia
Music composed and produced by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Ekaterina Shakharova on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Nov 08, 2021
Monday Nov 08, 2021
Healthy intimacy is not a given. It takes practice, especially when we don’t feel like relating. In this episode, I break down how to align with your desire for connection even through your resistance.
00:55 Intimacy in all forms is a practice.
1:21 I’m not not talking about sex.
2:20 The “rest of the story” for me and my husband in this stressful season.
2:48 Where I got the idea for this episode
3:34 A client example of doing it when they didn’t feel like it
5:10 How to lean into connection when there’s resistance
6:35 “It’s a Nike thing”.
7:58 An important qualifier to the practice.
8:59 This week’s homework (I’ll be cheering you on!)
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Thao Le Hoang on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Nov 01, 2021
Monday Nov 01, 2021
Following the intensity of last week’s podcast, this week’s show is about the period of rest after the expansion, why down time is so important and my favorite suggestions for how to nurture your nervous system.
1:14 How I first learned about coming down
2:17 What you do after the intensity matters for long term well being
3:12 I’ve overlooked come down often
3:42 Stillness and rest as potent as activity and exertion
4:30 A definition of integration and why it’s important in our personal growth
5:35 The risks of skipping a come down
7:20 Examples of honoring when you need to stop
8:20 The benefits of “down time”
9:30 This week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Cassandra Hamer on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Oct 25, 2021
Monday Oct 25, 2021
In this episode, I share the sad yet empowering story of our recent miscarriage and how that event challenged and deepened my bond with my husband and brought me closer to my community. May this account help others on a similar path to know you are not alone and that we can talk about this.
1:15 Trigger warning
1:25 My intention in telling my story
2:50 How it began
3:25 I had never heard stories to prepare me.
4:35 I had one thing on my side.
5:16 I found my voice – and it worked.
5:45 Refusing to let the pain knock me out of my body.
6:15 A break to breathe
6:35 The exhale and debrief
7:52 A quiet victory underneath our loss
8:25 Tips for supporting someone through a miscarriage
9:53 This week’s homework
Resources: Every experience of pregnancy loss is different. Mine was only one example. There are many online resources to educate yourself as well as virtual support groups for meeting others who have shared this experience. A local midwife recommended “Parent Support of Puget Sound”, a group dedicated specifically to supporting parents recovering from loss of pregnancy. Their website has a wealth of resources and an active calendar of groups:http://psofpugetsound.org/
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Julia Kadel on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Tuesday Oct 12, 2021
Tuesday Oct 12, 2021
The hard times in life are unavoidable. But feeling alone and isolated inside of them is not. How we listen when our loved ones are struggling can make all the difference.
1:21A hypothetical, low stakes conversation and three options for listening
2:20 Do you hear any difference across options?
2:59 The distinction between “attention out” and “attention in”
4:26 When the stakes get higher, this is the key to powerful listening.
4:39 A hypothetical, high stakes conversation and a fourth option for listening
5:46 “Getting someone else’s world”
6:53 How “getting someone’s world” works in practice.
8:45 The risks of isolation and the benefits of deep listening
9:28 This week’s homework.
Resources: I first learned the expression “getting someone’s world” from the relational practice of Circling. You can read more about this practice here.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Dan Gribbin on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Oct 04, 2021
Monday Oct 04, 2021
Loss hurts. And in the face of it, we can easily resist. When we consider softening something – anything – when we confront loss, we stand to birth new parts of ourselves from which to keep living.
1:17 I share a personal story of epic love, high stakes and loss.
3:09 When in your life did your dreams dissolve?
3:30 The dilemma of the “fix it” mind when we are faced with what we can’t fix
4:26 I pleaded with him for a second chance.
5:00 Letting the self that was known die
5:20 Three main patterns of hanging on
6:17 To say to loss, “I see you”.
7:09 The best way through in the face of loss
8:18 “Everything happens for a reason” and why phrases like these don’t help
8:55 When we soften, this is what can happen.
9:13 Befriending incompleteness
9:52 This week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Sep 27, 2021
Monday Sep 27, 2021
Pacing our communication and seeking consent for the small and big transitions in conversation can smooth the rough edges of our relating and build trust. In this episode, I share this “relational superpower” with you step-by-step.
1:13 I tell you what I’m going to do before I do it (aka this is the tool)
2:02 I define consent
2:30 What gets in the way of bringing our whole selves along into our love lives
3:37 Consent is like the rails to hang on to through the perils of intimacy
4:08 The benefits of asking before you ask
4:45 The alternative is to blurt it out and surprise the people around us
5:31 A personal story about two friends and their struggle with consent
6:52 Here’s what might have helped
8:30 Holding the worldview of the other person as we attune our communication
8:48 This week’s homework
Resources:
Writing I have done on this topic, including a blog about my first kiss with my husband. And an older blog about this tool here, also published in Elephant Journal.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Filipp Romanovski on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Sep 20, 2021
Monday Sep 20, 2021
Shame keeps us small, cut off from our instincts and separate. In this episode, I teach you a practice for taking your power back from shame as well as helping others do the same.
1:42 Definition of shame from Dr. Brene Brown
2:33 Get curious about your own relationship to shame.
3:20 No one is unlovable – but we can forget.
3:38 Shame is like a sludge that clogs our capacity to feel our instincts.
4:20 We have choice about the experience.
4:32 Shame needs these three things to grow.
5:29 A story about a friend and the chance I had to feed or neutralize her shame
7:07 Shame loses when we do these two things.
7:35 We have power to help others gain control over their shame.
8:56 This week’s homework.
Resources:
Listening to Shame 2013 TedEx talk by Brene Brown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jtZdSRst94. And her website: https://brenebrown.com/
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".