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Think of these mini podcasts like voice memos reaching out to you from a friend through the isolation. Except better, because they include tools for growing intimacy between yourself and those you care about. Note: podcasts come out Monday and each week there is an assignment for you to practice! Be sure to tune in, engage the practice and leave me a note about what you learned! Each assignment will build on the previous week‘s podcast. Dr. Jessica Tartaro (she/her) is a cis-gendered, able bodied, second generation Sicilian Jewish Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator who brings to her teaching nearly 20 years of experience in the healing arts. Through her one-of-a-kind workshops and coaching, Jessica powerfully weaves together the influences of Authentic Relating, positive psychology, psycho-education, trauma-sensitivity, mindful embodiment and conscious intimacy. Plus, she loves to play. Former Fulbright scholar, Jessica has founded communities across the country dedicated to healing the collective experience of belonging through group resilience, emotional intelligence and body wisdom. On the Olympic Peninsula of Washington where she lives and loves, Jessica is exploring the integration of racial justice with conscious relating and embodiment. To stay current on her evolving offerings and inquire about her private coaching and public speaking, go to www.DrJessicaTartaro.com.
Episodes
Tuesday Mar 01, 2022
Tuesday Mar 01, 2022
When you start to get what you want in love, a whole new challenge arises – the opportunity to learn to live life at a higher voltage. In this episode, I offer you practices for expanding gradually so you can receive what you want without getting in your own way.
1:15 My friend Dina and her new, hot and heavy relationship
2:07 There’s a catch.
3:23 Watch out for getting what you want!
3:44 The panic attacks I had when I first started dating my husband
4:25 We can get habituated to deprivation
5:33 The roller coaster may be shining a light on this
6:58 You may need to try these two things
7:17 This week’s homework
8:40 You are aiming to expand gently over time.
9:35 Learning to be happy is a practice.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Feb 21, 2022
Monday Feb 21, 2022
You can spend your life focusing on what you don't want and criticizing the people who want to help you. Or you can get oh-so-turned on about the best two minutes of your life. You decide.
1:40 The negativity bias saves us time and again
3:00 But it undermines us in love
3:40 Quote by Dr. Rick Hansen to help understand this sticky phenomenon
4:28 Consider this the “off” switch for the negativity bias
5:42 Imagine this scenario of pleasure, heat and desire building...and then.
7:15 What would you do?
7:50 Instead of your default response, try this.
8:37 Blow your breath on the ember of what you want and see it grow.
9:34 This week’s homework
Resources: I have referenced Dr. Rick Hanson before. He’s a badass. Check out his books, programs and free resources including meditations for retraining your brain at: https://www.rickhanson.net/. And sign up in advance for my next Intimacy Salon on March 16th! The first one was so fun. People said they left feeling less alone, more connected and more clear about asking for what they wanted. Get your ticket at: https://tinyurl.com/IntimacywithDrJessica
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Sawyer Brice on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Feb 14, 2022
Monday Feb 14, 2022
Without knowing what you want, you will have a very hard time getting it. In this episode, I explore how to clear the channel between you and the voice of what you want so that you can hear the animal of your desire.
1:05 In order to ask for it, you have to have a clue about what you want
2:55 Your desires may be muted under messages about what you “should” want
3:10 Think of your desire like an animal
3:43 Her appetite is not stirred when you fake it
4:36 I started healing my desire at the hot food bar at Whole Foods
5:50 Eating what I wanted brought me back to myself
6:15 Giving yourself permission to break the rules of your programming
6:45 A coaching example with a young couple who were healing their desire
7:13 If you don’t know what’s possible, you can’t ask for it.
8:07 The options in intimacy are as vast as your vision for what’s possible
8:27 This week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Elias Maurer on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Jan 31, 2022
Monday Jan 31, 2022
In this episode, I attempt to normalize why asking for what you need whether big or small can feel scary when you think it might rock the boat of your intimate relationship.
1:30 Dr. Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability
1:50 In order for love to get in, we have to get uncomfortable
2:54 The high stakes of intimate partnership
3:43 You have let them believe something is true when it’s not
3:50 Examples of untold truths
4:35 Why the trap of withholding truths is so easy to fall into
5:15 The reasons people avoid truth telling
6:25 The same reason you avoid telling truths is the reason to tell them
7:35 We are in relationship to come more alive.
8:37 This week’s homework
8:58 Next week’s episode
Resources: Dive into the abundance of wisdom on vulnerability, shame and authenticity with Dr. Brene Brown’s work here: https://brenebrown.com/.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Sarah Cervantes on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Jan 24, 2022
Monday Jan 24, 2022
In this episode, I introduce two principles for growing community that I have learned from my years of starting groups. In this era of prolonged social isolation, it’s revolutionary to still find ways to gather. I invite you to get your hands dirty with me and try.
1:21 My parents first showed me how to grow community
2:25 Community is not incidental to our lives – it is our lives.
2:58 We create community in order to learn and address what we need.
3:31 The first principle of growing community
4:23 Frederick Buechner quote
4:44 The second principle for growing community
5:21 Agreements are a net catching us in groups
5:43 Examples of agreements specific to one group’s needs
7:22 Be willing to get messy and learn along the way.
7:55 This week’s homework
Resources: Mark’s Nepo’s website is: https://marknepo.com/. Read about Frederick Buechner at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_Buechner. And consider listening again to Episode #4 where I first introduce the idea of agreements in conscious relating: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/episode-4-saying-whats-true-part-2-making-agreements-for-truth/.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Benjamin Combs on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Jan 17, 2022
Monday Jan 17, 2022
Individual therapy is important. But it will never alone fill the needs that community so powerfully meets. We need the village more than ever. In this episode I explain how being a part of a healthy community, in addition to doing your personal work, is key for activating our blueprint for health.
1:05 I recently burned myself - the scar is ugly
2:00 How engaging in personal work can feel overwhelming
2:48 This conviction keeps me going even when change isn’t visible
3:30 What is needed to activate healing change
4:10 How community can deliver what’s needed
5:15 Saying to the pain, “You are at last outnumbered”.
5:52 One therapist or coach can never be the village
6:05 “The work of community is the practice of care stitching the world together”
6:46 Tom Robbins quote - healing backwards in time
7:37 This week’s homework
8:25 Sneak preview of next episode
Resources: Author Mark Nepo says, "No one can live your life for you, but no one can make it alone, either". Read more about his inspiring work to teach healthy relationships and rebuild community at https://marknepo.com/. The Tom Robbins quote is from Still Life With Woodpecker. Marvel at his other quotes from the same novel here: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1105809-still-life-with-woodpecker.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Jan 10, 2022
Monday Jan 10, 2022
Most people never learned why talking matters in our love making. In this episode, I explain how words in bed are the road signs orienting you for the journey and teach you three different forms of communication you can use to connect to your partner during your sex.
1:55 The majority of people learned about sex this way
3:05 Sex without words is not how real sex looks
4:03 Talking to one another in bed serves an essential purpose
4:48 Silence in sex is like driving without road signs
5:27 It doesn’t make you bad, just uninformed
5:38 Three ways to communicate during sex
5:59 Name what you are feeling in your body
7:02 Ask for what you want in a way your partner can hear
8:14 Make a simple, singular offer
8:40 Examples of questions not to ask in bed
9:35 Communicating in sex tells your partner many important things
10:10 This week’s homework
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Mahrael Boutros on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Jan 03, 2022
Monday Jan 03, 2022
Everyone gets triggered. What makes the difference between constant breakdown and healthy relating is what you tell yourself and how you mend. In this episode, I invite you to bring compassion to your triggers so you can learn from and heal these moments.
1:30 The pitfall of resolutions
2:24 How we fall prey to the shame monster
3:30 Here’s the actual problem – it’s not what you think
4:38 What you do after the trigger is what makes the difference.
5:08 From Triggered to Tranquil by Dr. Campbell outlines the steps
5:23 How we resist the shame
6:43 My husband and I dug into the cleanup recently
7:26 The “next frontier” rather than a resolution
7:55 Healthy intimacy actually needs friction
8:57 This week’s homework
Resources: Find From Triggered to Tranquil by Dr. Susan Campbell here: https://susancampbell.com/product/from-triggered-to-tranquil/. Of note, though some amount of friction is important for authentic intimacy, too much friction is not a good thing for your nervous system or your relationship. It likely means one or both of you need additional help to heal whatever is being revealed. If you find yourself in this situation, please consider seeking professional counseling to aid in your process.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Scott Umstattd on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Dec 13, 2021
Monday Dec 13, 2021
In Episode #50, I share with you a secret about my sex life and reveal a lesson that I’ve been teaching you all along throughout all my previous forty-nine episodes, though you may not have realized it was actually about sex.
1:38 Climax in movies or literature
2:38 The “plotline” of our sexual experience
3:15 Our bodies don’t always follow the script
3:30 The challenge of not summiting the mountain
4:15 Most people have this measure for sex
5:00 Another way to think about sexual pleasure
5:40 A new definition for orgasm
6:50 The benefits of this model
7:07 Not measuring success or failure in bed
7:25 My big secret revealed
9:31 This week’s homework
Note: All bodies are different, and no sexual guidance is ever a one-size-fits-all solution, including what I reference in this episode. This show is an introduction to what I teach couples and by no means meant to suggest that resolving sexual dysfunction or relationship challenges due to sex is easy. If you have questions about your sex life and want a tailored consultation for you and your partner, please reach out to me or to another conscious sexuality professional to talk about your specific sexual needs and priorities.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".
Monday Dec 06, 2021
Monday Dec 06, 2021
Unless you have the training, it can be easy to talk at people rather than learning how to talk to them, leaving you lonely and disconnected. In this episode, I introduce you step-by-step to the simple, life changing practice of “tracking impact” and creating rich connection in conversation.
1:21 My client told me that our sessions were different
2:04 “Tracking impact” is the practice that shifts talking at to talking to someone
2:45 The utterly socially awkward version of me from college
3:30 I ask you for impact.
5:02 Being like a memory foam mattress in conversation
5:45 I asked my client a strange question, but it was what he came to me to learn
7:15 Conversations don’t have to be dead – they can be alive, spontaneous and heartfelt
7:48 This week’s homework and a short demo with my husband
Resources: Many of these forms of communication I learned from the practice of Circling. There are several different schools of Circling. I gravitate most to what’s called "Integral Circling", which you can read about here: https://integralcentered.com/circling/.
Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia
Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley
Photo by Dario Valenzuela on Unsplash
Contact Information
Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator
Pronouns "She" + "Her"
Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562
Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com
Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/
“Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”
Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".